Friday, June 20, 2008

Have you heard about this? It's just terrible.

Theft Problem IMPORTANT MESSAGE:


You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves well. . .My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who's thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans.

And then the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swingto and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next? When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those plastic surgeons are using REAL replacement bodyparts - stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere, every night. I have not had the chance to look into Snopes but I am sure it is there!WARN YOUR FRIENDS!


P.S. Last year I thought someone had stolen my boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.


I just thought I would warn all of you, my blogging friends. I haven't had everything stolen yet, but do have oatmeal thighs. I am getting a security system ASAP.

11 comments:

Cardalls said...

This had me laughing out LOUD! Soo funny!!

lisa said...

You are freakin' hilarious woman! I love all your dance posts and flashback's. I can't even imagine a house full of girls and pink dancing stuff! So fun!

Megan said...

Now that was funny!

Janae&DonovanLott said...

I can't believe anyone would try to steal/replace any of your body parts with Matt sporting the guns he does between his elbows and his shoulders!! Some thieves are just stoo-pid.

Catherine said...

Thanks for the laugh!!! Did you come up with this yourself or receive it in an email? When I was younger, Nicholas and I would point out the old ladies in our ward who had the famous "swinging fat" on their upper arms. Somehow it doesn't make me laugh as much seeing it on my own body! Horrors!

The Ririe's said...

That is hilarious!!!! Oatmeal thighs - I have had those since high school and sadly have many others on the list!

Cannata Clan said...

I feel so bad! I think you got my parts. : (

Meli said...

Got this email too--good idea to warn the blogging world! Security system sounds like a great idea--maybe they'll give us a two-for special?????

Rachael said...

Someone stole all my stuff my wedding night. I swear that is the last time we saw them!

The Bischoff's said...

You crack me up! I'm glad to know it's not just me though!!

Stacey said...

you are funny! for some reason this totally reminded me of harry, nona, etc.