I know I haven't written a lot about the personal things going on in my life. Some of you know some of the circumstances. I have been pretty private, but I am ready to share some of my feelings. Of course I will be protective of details that everyone doesn't need to know.
I have been thinking a lot about love these days. Probably because it's almost Valentine's Day, and I got bit in the butt by love this last year. It was hard...let me tell you. Divorce isn't something cool. It's not the easy way out. It's just replacing one set of problems with different problems. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone...not even my worst enemy. Having said that I want you to know that I am okay. Do I have days that really suck? Yes I do. But I'm not crying over him anymore. I do cry sometimes (not very often). I cry for the unknown. I cry because I feel like I have to be supermom. I cry because I feel an overwhelming sense of pressure to make sure that my girls are strong in the gospel. I cry for my sweet girls whose lives are forever changed. I cried just today when I found the clip of Meg and Garrett dancing (it's at the end of the post). I watched it and started crying thinking about the innocence of children and young friends who miss each other so much. See, it stinks. It really does. I have been known to start crying while running on the treadmill at the gym. I have a little too much time to think while running. I start thinking about my friends. I miss Vegas--Fresh and Easy, Sonic runs, park dates, my house. I start thinking about the fact that I have to go back to work and leave my little ones. It's times like these that I have to turn to the Savior and the Atonement. It's then that I have to leave my pain at His feet and ask for His love and help to get through the day. I have to have faith that He will provide a way for me to do all the overwhelming things that I know I have to do. I remember when everything starting crumbling and I said to my parents "I know the Lord wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle, but I don't think I can do it". I remember sitting in a Relief Society lesson on trials and hearing people comment about how after you have a trial you are so thankful for it. Let me tell you, I will NEVER be thankful for this trial...but I can see that I have grown from it. I hope that I can teach my girls to be strong in the trials that they will certainly face in their lives.
So this Valentine's Day don't feel sorry for me. I still have love in my life. After all I still have these three beauties...
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And of course my team and family.
And you know I still have hope. I have hope that I will find love with someone again. Hey maybe I'll be older and more gray...but I'll find him. I will. Because after all "IT'S NEVER TO LATE TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER".
Meggy and Garrett dancing
21 comments:
There are trials that I have had that I can't say I am thankful for but that I am glad I survived. As you said it makes you turn to the Lord. It isn't the taking away of the trial but the taking away of some of the pain.
GG
Sometimes I cry because I miss you and your sweet girls! I am always amazed at how strong you have been and are through all the trials that have come your way these past few months. I am grateful for you and your friendship.
I am sorry you have to have this trial in your life! Your girls will grow up with a strong mother to have as their role model! You are amazing and missed in Vegas!
oh and come the summer...you won't be missing Vegas so much!
Your words and the video have made me cry now! You are amazing and have been so strong and incredibly charitable. I am so grateful you have such a strong support system in your family...I miss you so much, but I am so grateful that you are able to be there by them so they can support and help you. I love that you are celebrating the love of your kids, friends and most importantly the Savior this holiday!
I have had trials I will never say I am greatful for either, but it is true that we grow from them. I am amazed at your attitude. You are a great example to many of us. Thanks for sharing and we wish you the best.
You really have been such an example to me, Kristen. I have felt closer to you than ever as I've prayed for you these last few months. You're amazing!
We still cry missing you guys- you are a rockstar and Im better for knowing you.
Thanks for your honesty. I love your attitude. I just wanted to let you know that our whole family loves you and has prayed for you and your girls.
Kristen, you are a strong person. You can always get through anything with the Lord on your side. We miss you. Love Emilie Volle
Wow, I am giving a church talk tomorrow on enduring to the end and now I think I am going to go rewrite it. I promise not to tell people to be grateful for their trials, but I have been thinking a lot that one of the things I want to say is that we all need a lot of help from our Savior and those around us to get through any trial, and you really brought that point home to me even more. Hope you know you are a big help to many people by your great example. Good luck to you and your cute girls as you continue to get through this.
And I cry sometimes not only for little young friends who miss each other, but for bigger, old friends who miss each other...:(
I still cry over everything,and I am SO not Thankful for the hard trials in my life.I am how ever sad you are gone and do miss you a lot
You are a strong person, I will try to learn from you. And you really are looking fabulous these days!!!!!
I agree that is a sweet way to celebrate Valentines Day with the love for your girls and for the Savior. Happy Valentines Day! We miss your family, but we will continue to pray for all of you.
Well you're not the only one crying now. After reading that we are all crying. You are amazing and strong. I miss GNO in vegas too. it was so much fun and there was so much love in that little area of our ward. Lindsey
You are brave and strong and have a cheering section bigger than you know! I think about you lots... you're great! Love ya!
You're amazing. I know we didn't know each other super-well when we were in the same ward, but you have always had a smile on your face and been such a great person. There are definately trials that we live through, and will never be happy about or grateful for, and that is okay. Revelations 7:17 says: "For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters; and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes." I know I look forward to this day. Grief and pain come in waves. I look forward to the day when I am finished with this earthly test, and I can rest in the arms of my Father. :o)
You totally made me cry!! Go team Aniston!!!
wow, Kristen. You're really amazing. Thanks for sharing this. Makes me think of a quote from "The Prophet": "Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving." You're amazingly optomistic. You're a beautiful person. I'm so glad to know you.
hey kristen.....i haven't been on anyones blog in over a month!! i choose to look at yours tonight to see how you were and what you've been up to!! i have been one of those people who have been greatful for my trials, but it's not because of what i had to go through, but it was because what i ended up learning from it later and the blessings and the better understandings of why i went through it!! trials are very hard to go through. and i am very sad you went thru went you went thru. i've been crying for a good 10 minutes now thinking about you and your girls!! you are such a strong person and such a beautiful daughter of god. you are thought of and loved in so many ways from the people down here in vegas. there is one thing you have taught me though, and that's to be very careful with those around you. how you treat someone and what you say to them should be always be for good intentions. you never know what the other one is going through at that time and how what you say or do to them can affect them. i personally wish i could have helped you out more!! i wish i could have opened my eyes more to see that love, prayers, phone calls, etc were needed for someone besides myself. i am trying more and more to do that now!! i know look for those who just may need that extra love, friend, prayer, etc.. more than i ever have before!! you will be a GREAT mom always, (even if you have to go back to work) and your girls will do well in the gospel because of a wonderful role model in their lives....you!! good luck with everything!! i think of you often and hope to see you next time you are here!! i would LOVE to see you again!!
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